Watch the video above all the way through (and SUBSCRIBE to Coach Lee’s channel) as Lee answers the question, “Does no contact work on men?”
I am often asked if the no contact rule will work on men and about the no contact rule with male psychology.
Because I help thousands of women a year trying to get their boyfriends back by using the no contact rule as a strong starting point, I can speak from true experience on this rather than just good-sounding theory.
To answer the question, does the no contact rule work on men, I need to first explain some reasons why no contact works and then I will explain why and how it works on men.
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Why The No Contact Rule Works On Men
Why The No Contact Rule Works On MenThe reasons are many that stopping the initiation of contact with someone who broke up with you is very often effective at getting them to come back to you.
For starters, by leaving them completely alone, you allow them to truly experience the breakup.
Prior to breaking up with you, your boyfriend only theorized that he wanted to be without you.
Your man has not experienced being broken up with you since being in the relationship with you.
Even if he has broken up with you before, relationships are ever adapting and so he has not experienced being without you in the exact same way – and the fact he came back shows it’s difficult for him to stay away.
For most of you, this in the only time he has broken up with you.
So he has now moved from an idea that he has likely considered for a while, to reality.
It has gone from concept to implementation.
So many women (men do it too) hurt their chances of getting him back because they keep the breakup as a concept.
In other words, by continuing to text, call, beg, plead, and communicate with him in any way, you allow him to keep thinking and theorizing about being apart from you.
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You allow him to keep thinking it would be better to be without you.
So you keep the breakup in the realm of the theoretical and conceptual.
Which means that you help him to continue thinking that he wants it but is being prevented from getting it!
In that way, you make the breakup like a prize he is working toward but cannot obtain.
Inadvertently, you are doing the worst thing you could possibly do which is to raise the value of the breakup in his mind!
The No Contact Rule Works On Men
While men and women are most certainly different creatures, and we should appreciate the different strengths each possesses, we can still want similar things even if we pursue them differently.
That is where the no contact rule shines and why it works on men.
Men have the same capacity that women do in terms of missing someone.
Men feel connections both emotionally and physically.
They are fulfilled by companionship and enjoy stimulating conversations.
Men want the woman they love to show interest in them and to desire them.
Men want to feel that they are physically attractive to her.
Men want a fulfilling sexual connection with the one they love.
All of that sounds very similar, if not identical, to what women want from men, doesn’t it?
No Contact Rule and Male Psychology
This article is about whether or not no contact works on men, so I’ll get into the details of why men and women often misunderstand each other in another article.
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What I want to help you understand with this post is that the no contact rule works on men just as well as women because it creates or heightens the feeling of loss.
He must feel that he is losing the things he wants in a relationship.
It is that feeling that makes him doubt all of what he sees as logical reasons for a breakup.
Though men are often presented as making every decision based on cold logic, in the vast majority of breakups, it is emotion that makes the final call.
The issues that he might list as “reasons” for the breakup are only part of the equation because they affect him emotionally.
In other words, the issues caused a drop in emotional attraction.
He doesn’t feel the same level of emotional attraction that he once felt for you.
Even if physical attraction remains high, a man does not want a long term, exclusive, and committed relationship unless there is an acceptable degree of all kinds of attraction.
Attraction can be felt in three areas: physically, emotionally, and intellectually.
If all three of those categories are at acceptable levels, a man will feel fulfilled in the relationship.
Emotional attraction falling is what is almost always the culprit of a man breaking up with a woman (and it is for a woman breaking up with a man as well).
The reason for this is that a woman first passes his “eye test” before he moves forward to determine if there is emotional attraction.
The same is true for women toward men.
Physical attraction must be at an acceptable level for her to “get her foot in the door” so to speak and then a man will dip his toe in the water of emotional attraction.
Obviously there are both men and women who are shallow and have their priorities out of order.
That is not what this article is about.
Emotional attraction is a person’s motivation to be in the relationship.
Without motivation, the desire to “work on the relationship” will not exist in high enough quantity.
If attraction, that is, wanting to be intimate with someone physically and emotionally, is not there, there will be no desire for a relationship.
Without attraction, a man, just like a woman, will see his path in life as being without this other person in terms of a committed and romantic relationship.
The No Contact Rule Can Revive Attraction
The old saying rings true in that we don’t know what we have until it’s gone.
We don’t appreciate air until we are strangling.
We don’t appreciate heat unless we are cold (and cold until we are hot).
The same is true of so many things in life.
Emotional attraction can be well described as emotional appreciation.
Just as is true with so many other things, we don’t appreciate someone emotionally until we lose access.
Being without someone allows us to notice the role they played in our lives.
Simply stated, it allows him to miss you.
That is how we revive emotional attraction which restores his motivation to work on whatever issues the two of you might have.
As that works on him he also feels a shot to his ego in that you are not chasing or pursuing him.
In that, he learns that he took for granted the desire and interest you had for him.
By using the no contact rule, you show your ex man what he really feels for you.
You further allow all of what I’ve already stated to compound by the following stage he will go through which is that he will gain the awareness that he could lose you.
By seeing that you are not initiating contact, he concludes that you could move on and that you can stay away.
That conclusion is what removes the sense of control that he had when he broke up with you.
So he feels that he has lost control.
It is at that point that he feels the fear of losing of you.
He might even feel that he has lost you.
You felt that feeling of loss when he broke up with you because you had no control.
By using the no contact rule on your man, you take control for yourself and he takes on the feeling of loss.
He will then seek to reclaim what he lost with you.
Though nothing is one-hundred percent effective, this post explains why the no contact rule works on men and it works very well.
To get my help with your specific situation and a tailored map to getting your ex back, Schedule A Coaching Call With Me or get more information on my Emergency Breakup Kit.
--Coach Lee
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FAQs
Does no contact make a man miss you? ›
Use the no contact rule
Does no contact make him miss you? Yes! One of the best ways to use silence after a breakup is to cut off all means of communication. That includes going silent on social media after a breakup.
1 For an amicable breakup: around 30 days. 2 For a long-term relationship: at least 60 days. 3 If things got ugly at the end: roughly 90 days.
What a man thinks during no contact? ›“No contact” could make him question what he thought he did right. He'll doubt everything from his attractiveness and bedroom skills to his jokes and romantic gestures. He might fixate on every little error he made while you were together, adding to his feelings of regret and insecurity.
Does no contact hurt a guy? ›Regardless of who broke up with who, a guy will generally start feeling you're just being downright rude or cruel after more than a few days of no contact. He will usually feel emotions like uneasiness or even anger, and begin checking his phone more often to see if you've read his messages.
What happens when you go silent on a man? ›Findings from his in-depth analysis revealed that the silent treatment is 'tremendously' damaging to a relationship. It decreases relationship satisfaction for both partners, diminishes feelings of intimacy, and reduces the capacity to communicate in a way that's healthy and meaningful.
Does no contact work on stubborn man? ›In fact, most say that their ex is uniquely stubborn – more so than other exes or other people. While I'm not suggesting that you are wrong in thinking that your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, or spouse is stubborn, this trait would not negate the impact of The No Contact Rule in the vast majority of cases.
How long does it take for a guy to miss you? ›According to the experts, it will take between two to four months before he starts feeling lonely. He'll be doing everything possible to block out his emotions during this time. But once he surrenders to them, he'll start missing you.
Will he miss me if I leave him alone? ›If you are asking, “Will he miss me if I leave him alone?” the answer is that he certainly can't miss you if you aren't gone and that if you are gone, human nature says that he will miss you. That is the simple and complex way to make your ex miss you.
How do guys react to the silent treatment? ›Resentments build up, issues get unresolved. The person you're snubbing feels hurt and confused, and either does everything in their power to get you to start talking to them again or gets angry and, in turn, snubs you back.
Why do breakups hit guys later? ›Men may sometimes blame others more and not fully accept their own shortcomings. Studies have found that men tend to deny their mistakes, minimize their faults, and blame their partners for the breakups. This leads to them spending the first few weeks of a breakup angry at their partner.
What do men think when you dont text back? ›
1 He thinks you're busy. 2 He's trying to brush it off. 3 He might think you're playing “hard to get.” 4 He's worried you're ignoring him because you're upset.
How do I make him scared of losing me? ›- Let Him Know That You Are Prepared To Walk Away. Save. ...
- Do Not Let Him Take Away Your Efforts In Vain. Easier said than done! ...
- Prioritize Yourself. ...
- Remind Him That He Is Not Your Only Option. ...
- Make Yourself Busy. ...
- Go For A New Look. ...
- Take A Break From Replying. ...
- Do Not Try To Please Him.
Silence seems to shield men from openly feeling disapproval and disappointment in themselves (and from their partner) that they can't please their partner.
Is silence the best way to get him back? ›Silence Is Key After a Breakup
It helps re-establish your bond while allowing both you and your partner to think. So, instead of texting and making phone calls, be absolutely silent. Do not reach out to him, and if he tries to do so, simply ignore him.
If you wonder if he will move on during no contact, chances of this are high if he no longer loves you or if you are dealing with a case of unrequited feelings. A simple answer to the central question guiding this section of the article is “no.” No contact will not work if he has lost feelings for you.
How long should no contact last if you want to get back together? ›Plan how long you want the no contact period to last.
4 weeks is generally considered to be enough time for your ex to change their mind about the breakup if they're going to do it. That being said, follow it for as long or short as you feel is right. Whether you want to set an exact date to end on is up to you.
Yes, they can. People find their way back to their ex if they realize how much they miss her. This may happen if you spend much time together during your dating phase. Also, if he keeps seeing something that reminds him of you, it may be hard to let go.
Who should break no contact first? ›Let your ex be the first one to break the no contact rule, especially if you're following it to try and get them back. It's easy to fall into a pattern of worrying about what other people think, but if reaching out to your ex and breaking the no contact rule is what's best for you, do it.
How powerful is the no contact rule? ›The no-contact rule will not help you get your ex back
Some people try to use the no-contact rule as a form of manipulation (i.e., a way to get your ex to miss you so much, they want you back). But despite what some people will tell you on the internet, no contact is not particularly effective for getting an ex back.
No. As much as it may hurt to not be in communication with your ex, it is vital that you do not break this rule of no contact. As time passing not speaking to your ex, you may start to feel a little discouraged as to whether or not it's working.
What makes a guy miss you more? ›
The best way to make a guy miss you is to pull away. Refrain from texting or calling him for the smallest things. If you reach out to him constantly, he does not have any chance to miss you. Instead, give your special person a reason and some time to miss you.
How can I tell if he's missing me? ›- He texts you mundane things just to get you to talk to him. ...
- You have missed calls in the double digits. ...
- He's been listening to the "songs about being on the road" playlist on Spotify. ...
- He responds to your text immediately. ...
- He falls asleep spooning your pillow.
- He blocked you on social media and other communication platforms. ...
- He cut every possible way that could lead to contact. ...
- The relationship didn't end well. ...
- The relationship was toxic or abusive. ...
- He's determined in his decisions. ...
- He doesn't check your social media.
- Communication Dwindles. Relationships are built on interactions, and if you're not in touch in one way or another — in person, on the phone, or elsewhere — there's not really a relationship. ...
- Interactions Become Less Fun. ...
- Interactions Become Less Awkward. ...
- They Get Serious With Someone Else.
Men like the chase
You might not know that men like the chase, which is why walking away is powerful. If you take the opportunity to walk away from an individual that isn't putting in the same effort that you are into the relationship, this might cause him to want to chase you and make it up to you.
In fact, studies show that 70% of couples don't get back with their ex, 14% that do get back together only break up again, and that – therefore – does not leave a lot of successful rekindling left! So yes, it can be helpful to look at the signs he will never come back, purely for closure and acceptance.
How silence is the best revenge? ›Silence speaks volumes
Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in. If you do, you are meeting their expectations.
The silent treatment can damage relationships, sometimes irreparably. When it becomes part of a pattern of behavior, Wright said it can be abusive, especially when it includes other harmful behaviors such as threats or insults, when the intention is to control.
How long should the silent treatment last? ›Ideally no more than 1 hour, hopefully less. Say “I will be back in *** (time) to continue the discussion” even if you can only manage to come back to agree to close it down for the time being, or take the matter to counselling.
How do you know if a guy is heartbroken? ›If he avoids seeing you at all costs even though it is important, it is one of the signs he is heartbroken over you. He knows that when he sees you, the memories will come flooding, and it might be too much for him to handle. Also, he would ensure avoiding places where you are likely to show up.
Do men get heartbroken? ›
The study finds that men discuss heartbreak significantly more than women. The stereotype of men being less emotionally invested in relationships than women may not be accurate.
How do men bounce back after a break up? ›- Nest. ...
- Go easy on the alcohol. ...
- Get a relaxing massage. ...
- Invite friends over to your new house for dinner and cook for them. ...
- Don't “mind read” and assume you know what others are thinking. ...
- Talk to your friends. ...
- Prioritize adequate sleep. ...
- Process guilt and shame.
The answer to this question is pretty straightforward: A guy who is genuinely interested in you will care if you stop texting him. Even if you've been overtexting him so much so, he was getting slightly annoyed with everything you've been needing from him lately.
Do guys overthink texts? ›Double-texting isn't the only factor some guys consider. “I tend to overthink or overanalyze messages and the conversation if I'm interested in her,” another Redditor said. So, if you scrutinize your incoming messages carefully, you're absolutely not alone.
Will no contact make him want me back? ›Some people may be asking, “Does No Contact work?”. While everyone's ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live.
Does no contact make someone want you back? ›The no-contact rule will not help you get your ex back
Some people try to use the no-contact rule as a form of manipulation (i.e., a way to get your ex to miss you so much, they want you back). But despite what some people will tell you on the internet, no contact is not particularly effective for getting an ex back.
RELATIONSHIPS: Absence makes a man's heart grow fonder, but not a woman's.
How do I get him to crave me back? ›- Call him by cute names often:
- Keep him guessing:
- Touch him unexpectedly:
- Small changes do make a big difference:
- Compliment him often:
- Take him down the memory lane:
- Give him ample space:
- Smell good at all times:
According to our own internal research 75% of our personal coaching clients hear from an ex at some point during the no contact rule.
Why do guys respond to no contact? ›Another reason men respond to no contact is if they feel guilty. The mind, during no contact, can work like a machine. He may begin to think about all the times he did something wrong and was never caught. Now that you use the no communication rule, he might think you knew about the offense.
Does giving space to a man work? ›
Yes, as long as the partners respect each other's space and their boundaries, space can be good for the relationship. However, if one partner needs space and the other doesn't, there should be some convincing reasons. For instance, giving space helps a person grow and makes them independent.
Does absence build attraction? ›The absence, they say, helps them to appreciate their partner more and makes the relationship stronger. In fact, people in long-distance relationships tend to maintain their relationships longer, be less likely to break up, and be more in love and satisfied than people in geographically close relationships.
Does absence intensify love? ›Does Absence Really Make the Heart Grow Fonder? It turns out, there's actually some truth to this phrase! A study published in the Journal of Communication found that couples in long-distance relationships have more meaningful interactions than those who see each other every day, leading to higher levels of intimacy.