Will the No Contact Rule work if your ex is stubborn?
Watch the video above all the way through as Coach Lee answers this question, then be sure to read the article below to reemphasize your plan and to get the answer with different wording.
Watching both the video and the article will give you the most powerful result. And be sure to click the “Subscribe” button under the video to subscribe to Coach Lee’s YouTube Channel!
Will No Contact Work For A Stubborn Ex?
A concern that is often voiced to me by my coaching clients is that The No Contact Rulewon’t work because they consider their ex to be stubborn or too stubborn for it to be effective.
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In fact, most say that their ex is uniquely stubborn – more so than other exes or other people.
While I’m not suggesting that you are wrong in thinking that your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, or spouse is stubborn, this trait would not negate the impact of The No Contact Rule in the vast majority of cases.
The reason for this is that when we say that someone is stubborn, it is usually meant as the negative word for perseverance or determination.
While your ex being stubborn might make you think he or she could hold out for a long period of time, it really depends on what they want the most.
That is what makes no contact so key here.
The stubborn person is refusing to give in so that he or she can get what they want the most.
What Does Your ‘Stubborn Ex’ Want Most?
Right after a breakup, that is often an ego stroke.
Your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend wants to feel the ego boost of you chasing and attempting to get them back.
They do this because they assume you will be the one to reach out and try to get back together with him/her.
It is that assurance that allows them to be stubborn because they don’t see getting back together with you as being in jeopardy.
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Instead, they see it as an option that they can choose at any time.
This is because the person who does the dumping (the dumper) takes on a lot of arrogance after they break up with you (or if they leave).
They assume that they can get you back easily at any time they want.
Because of that, your ex (or straying spouse) doesn’t feel the loss that you are feeling.
You are feeling loss.
It is that loss that contributes to you feeling anxiety, emotional turmoil, panic, and sorrow.
In fact, you are feeling an increase in the Limerence experience (or a reset of the intensity) because fear of loss and longing for the other person is a factor in that mental/emotional state.
At the moment, your ex doesn’t have to worry with that.
Your ex isn’t longing for you right now simply because he/she feels you can be gotten back easily.
So without worry of loss, your ex is focused on feeling desired, attractive, and powerful.
Your ex is being stubborn so that you will reach out and he/she can feel that attractiveness, power, and further confirm that you could be gotten back easily at a time of their choosing.
In fact, your ex is likely confident in large part that you will do all the work and go out on the limb of getting the two of you back together.
A Stubborn Ex Needs To Feel The Loss That No Contact Brings
Your ex goes through stages while you are in no contact that are rarely obvious.
You can read my article on that with the link above (open in a new window so you don’t lose this page) but the most important thing is that your ex needs to feel loss.
Your stubborn ex needs to get to a point, and this point is only arrived at if you give your ex silence for enough time.
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We live in a microwave world.
We tend to think everything can be sped up or done faster by adding more people to the project, moving faster, or pushing ourselves more.
Too many people want what they want right now without having to put the time or work into it.
And we live in a world where much of that can be achieved.
But getting your ex back is like baking a cake.
You can’t just turn the temperature up and the cake cook faster.
I don’t suggest trying it, but if you do, you will just get burned cake.
Your ex is the cake in the oven in this situation and you must wait until they’ve had enough time baking in the oven.
Try to take them out too soon and your ex will be all doughy. You know what I mean.
It won’t work if your ex doesn’t have enough time.
So don’t interrupt the process.
This is true if you work with your ex or if you live with your ex as well.
Stubborn People Go After What They Want
When your stubborn ex reaches that point to where he or she loses the ability to expect you to reach out, the tables usually turn.
When your ex thinks, “Wait a minute, they might not reach out to me at all. They could be moving on!”
When your ex scrolls through their texts and sees that it has been a full month or two months without a peep from you, it’s quite a realization.
It is at that point that your ex can feel the loss and the panic associated with it.
It is at that point that your ex boyfriend, ex girlfriend, or straying spouse can realize that he/she wants you more than an ego stroke or more than making a point to you.
If your ex feels that you are moving on and that you aren’t going to reach out to them, it can be a powerful contributor to you getting them back.
It is when your ex reaches that point that they often text the person in your shoes.
Sometimes it’s a casual text, because they don’t know what to say and don’t want to appear too eager.
But it can also be an intense message like, “I miss you” or “Could you meet me for coffee?”
You see, stubborn people are stubborn about getting what they want.
So no contact is designed to show your ex that living without you, not hearing from you, and losing you from their life is not what they want.
No contact is designed to show even stubborn people what they want the most and what they fear losing.
I’m not saying it’s going to be easy for you.
I’m saying it’s going to be worth it.
Not contacting your ex is difficult for most people.
Especially if you fear that they could find someone else or move on by you using the No Contact Rule.
Many people have been in your shoes and I’ve been able to observe a large number over the past twenty years.
I can tell you that the odds are better that you’re ex won’t move on to someone else if you don’t contact him or her.
That’s assuming that your ex is the one who broke up with you.
If you were the one who did the dumping, you should be the one to reach out to your ex if you want them back.
Otherwise, let the words of this article be an encouragement to you as you try to get your ex back by using the no contact rule.
Even a stubborn ex.
I truly wish you the best and highly recommend my Emergency Breakup Kit to give you strategy and encouragement.
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Does the no contact rule work on a stubborn man? ›
You already know what goes through a guy's mind during the no-contact phase. But, stubborn men do not give in to their no-contact rule male psychology traits easily. Their stubborn nature prevents them from doing so. Even if he misses you, he will not admit it.Is no response the best response to an ex? ›
No response is not only a response but is sometimes the best response you could use. Your silence not only has the power to push your ex to miss you, but it also gives you clarity about what you need in life.How do you communicate with someone who is stubborn? ›
- Take a moment. Pausing is a great tip for how to deal with stubborn people. ...
- Talk to them. Speaking to them in a calm rational way is how to deal with stubborn people. ...
- Be patient. ...
- Empathize. ...
- Resist getting into an argument. ...
- Know that you can't change them.
Men often go through an emotional state called “Dumpers Remorse” after the woman finally goes away. This state hits after one month to six weeks after the man passes through the initial happy phase after a breakup. He starts to give away signs he knows he messed up the whole thing from that time.How do you get a toxic ex out of your mind? ›
- Distract yourself so you're literally too busy to even think about them. ...
- Establish some boundaries with yourself. ...
- Give yourself some time to feel sad, or mad, or angry, or literally whatever. ...
- Understand that you may still have lingering feelings for this person, and that's okay. ...
- Indulge in alllll the self care.
- Identify the reason. Ask yourself why you're now deciding to detach from the relationship. ...
- Release your emotions. ...
- Don't react, respond. ...
- Start small. ...
- Keep a journal. ...
- Meditate. ...
- Be patient with yourself. ...
- Look forward.
- 1 Drop hints that he can do better than you.
- 2 Point out the bad times in your relationship.
- 3 Speak fondly of your shared past but tell him it's over.
- 4 Ask him repeatedly not to pursue you.
- 5 Tell him only he has the power to restart things.
- Write a letter to yourself. ...
- Give yourself room to grieve. ...
- Make a list of every terrible thing your partner ever did. ...
- Start a self-care list. ...
- Have a breakup buddy. ...
- Work on yourself. ...
- Start a new hobby. ...
- Give yourself some structure.
The no-contact rule refers to cutting off all contact with an ex following a breakup, and it's the best method for moving on from an ex. No contact should last for a minimum of 60 days, and it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media.Is silence the best revenge to your ex? ›
Silence speaks volumes
The best revenge is no reaction. Believe it, the silence and zero reaction really bothers your ex, and they consider it as the best served revenge. Nothing creates more curiosity than silence. Your ex would expect a vent or an angry rant from you, but don't give in.
Does silence work on an ex? ›
There is no easy way to deal with a breakup, but remaining silent actually speaks volumes to your ex. After all, actions speak louder than words! By staying silent, you're telling your ex that you're strong, resilient, and independent. You're relying on yourself — and no one else — for your own happiness.Will silence make my ex miss me? ›
The simple answer to the above questions is yes. When you walk away and make him miss you, it's typical for a man to come back to you. The power of silence after a breakup is highly effective in making your partner come back. To start with, going silent after a breakup is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.What is the root cause of stubbornness? ›
At the root of all stubbornness is the fear of letting go of your own ideas, convictions, decisions and at times, identity.What triggers stubbornness? ›
Sometimes, hidden feelings of aggression are the cause of stubborn behaviour. The unwavering urge to possess or want something can turn into stubbornness by being obstinate about it. And opinions of others, even when more logical, do not matter in such situations.What makes someone extremely stubborn? ›
Stubbornness is often a sign of insecurity and a way to hold on to a very fragile mental equilibrium. Truly strong people know how to compromise when necessary. Stubborn people are often fearful of change, which explains the rigidity that characterises much of their behaviour.How do you know if he is done? ›
- He makes little effort to communicate.
- He becomes evasive – avoiding anything to do with you.
- He pushes you away when you want to get close.
- He doesn't show up when he promised.
- He can't be bothered to be 'nice'.
- He is mean to you.
- Let Him Know That You Are Prepared To Walk Away. Save. ...
- Do Not Let Him Take Away Your Efforts In Vain. Easier said than done! ...
- Prioritize Yourself. ...
- Remind Him That He Is Not Your Only Option. ...
- Make Yourself Busy. ...
- Go For A New Look. ...
- Take A Break From Replying. ...
- Do Not Try To Please Him.
If he avoids seeing you at all costs even though it is important, it is one of the signs he is heartbroken over you. He knows that when he sees you, the memories will come flooding, and it might be too much for him to handle. Also, he would ensure avoiding places where you are likely to show up.Does my ex still think of me? ›
If your ex is trying to contact you, or maybe even trying to speak to you at weird hours, then it might be a sign they still think about you. Another big sign is social media. If they somehow didn't get rid of you, whether, via an unfriend or a straight block, it might mean that they miss you.How do you let go of someone who doesn't want you? ›
- #2. Admit To Your Feelings. ...
- #3. Give Your Wounds Time To Recuperate. ...
- #4. Never Blame Yourself. ...
- #5. Share Your Feelings With Someone. ...
- #6. Cut-off All Ties With This Person. ...
- #7. Fall In Love With Yourself And Look After Yourself. ...
- #8. Try Some Physical Exercises. ...
- #9. Think Of The Positive Aspects.
How do you know a relationship is over? ›
There's No Emotional Connection
One of the key signs your relationship is ending is that you are no longer vulnerable and open with your partner. A cornerstone of happy, healthy relationships is that both partners feel comfortable being truly open to sharing thoughts and opinions with one another.
When looking at the timeline of breakups, many sites refer to a “study” that's actually a consumer poll a market research company conducted on behalf of Yelp. The poll's results suggest it takes an average of about 3.5 months to heal, while recovering after divorce might take closer to 1.5 years, if not longer.Why does it take so long to get over a toxic ex? ›
"Besides trauma bonding, where you only feel alive when abused, your toxic ex may be contacting you too much and destabilizing you. With that, it is impossible to have a sense of closure. Other forms of contact may include obsessing over their lives via friends or social media."How do I make him regret losing me psychology? ›
- Show him that your life is just as good without him;
- Focus on exploding with inner and outer beauty;
- Try to initiate one more talk and remind him of all the good things you've been sprinkling over his life.
~In reality, what makes a dumper change their mind is seeing you move on. Knowing that they can't have you after they started to value you, hurts them. This makes them regret their decision because they start to value you differently.Why getting back with an ex is so compelling? ›
Another benefit to getting back with an ex is awareness of what's changed in the time you've spent apart. You may be disadvantaged when dating someone brand new, because you're not aware of how they might have grown and changed in a positive way over time. With an ex, you get more of a before-and-after snapshot.How long does the no contact rule take to work? ›
At the very least, the no contact rule requires that you keep radio silence for 30 days after the breakup. Depending on your situation, that void might have to extent for a few more weeks or months. The goal of no contact is to give you the power of silence after break up.Does no contact rule work on everyone? ›
Some people may be asking, “Does No Contact work?”. While everyone's ex is different, the No Contact Rule does increase the likelihood of your ex missing you and wanting to come back. In essence, it will show them that you are not available for them whenever they want you and that you have your own life to live.How do you know if the no contact rule is working? ›
If the messages they're sending you change from sweet to angry, you'll know that the no contact rule is really working. When they still can't get ahold of you, they'll probably realize that you're not going to come around, and they'll get sad about what they've lost.What do psychologists say about no contact rule? ›
No-contact rule female psychology says that cutting off all contact after a breakup is the best decision. This allows both of you to clear your heads, and either move on from the relationship or decide to work things out and come back together.
Why is no contact getting harder? ›
We begin to feel tremendous amounts of separation anxiety. The reason why no contact is hard is because human beings are wired to connect to others. Our relationship with others is our primary way of staying safe. Bonding and connecting with loved ones makes you feel safe.Who should break no contact first? ›
Let your ex be the first one to break the no contact rule, especially if you're following it to try and get them back. It's easy to fall into a pattern of worrying about what other people think, but if reaching out to your ex and breaking the no contact rule is what's best for you, do it.How much no contact is too long? ›
While 30 days is a good rule of thumb, everybody is different. Some people move on really fast after a breakup, while other people take a long time. If 30 days pass and you still aren't ready, it's totally okay to extend your period of no contact.Should I contact my ex after 2 months of no contact? ›
How Long Before You Should Talk To Your Ex After A Breakup? You may want to wait at least 30 days before you speak to your ex after a breakup. You might wait longer if you were together for a few years or more and broke up. Often, a few months to a year can be a suitable amount of time to wait for many individuals.How long before he misses me with no contact? ›
Today I'm going to show you the eight definitive signs that a man is missing you during a no contact rule. Usually this period of time lasts anywhere between 21-45 days. Of course, for many of our clients are left wondering how they can tell if it is even working.Does ignoring an ex hurt them? ›
What happens when you ignore your ex? Anytime you begin ignoring your ex, this can change both their behavior and yours. For instance, you will have time to think about the relationship that just ended so that you can move forward with your life.How to make your exs life miserable? ›
- Blame your ex for the breakup. Be prepared for this! ...
- Make your ex believe they're a bad person. ...
- Use your ex's flaws against them. ...
- At the height of your ex's sadness, tell them even therapy won't help. ...
- Tell them to grab a noose.
Silence is the symbol of maturity. When you speak less, you listen more, and as you listen more, you develop more understanding. Let others criticise and talk about us; just focus on your targets so that not just you, but your success will stop people from mocking you.What happens when you go radio silent on an ex? ›
What Is Radio Silence? Radio silence simply refers to the act of being distant from your partner in order to make him come back to you. When done the right way, it allows your ex to miss and crave you more. It reaffirms and reawakens the feels he has for you, compelling him to come back.How long should the silent treatment last after a breakup? ›
Most relationship experts suggest 60 days of no contact following a breakup. This could require removing them from social media and even blocking them if necessary. This is one of the hardest parts of the breakup, but ongoing contact will only make healing harder.
Can silence heal a relationship? ›
Research indicates that both men and women use the silent treatment in relationships. However, clear and direct communication is essential for healthy relationships. Using the silent treatment prevents people from resolving their conflicts in a helpful way.What will make my ex miss me the most? ›
- Do Not Try To Contact Them. ...
- Do Not Receive Their Calls And Respond To Their Texts. ...
- Reinvent Yourself. ...
- Meet New People And Make New Friends. ...
- Talk To Their Friends. ...
- Check Out The Outside Dating World. ...
- Take A Vacation. ...
- Be Active On Social Media.
- Don't Try to Win Him Over.
- Be Mysterious.
- Hold Off From Calling or Texting Him.
- Flirt with Him.
- Don't Give Him the Impression He is The Only Guy in the Picture.
Speaking on the subject, Dr. Bhonsle says, “While experiencing the no-contact rule, the man might go through anger, humiliation, and fear, sometimes all at once. Depending on the time of day, the man could feel any of these individual emotions or all of them together.”How do you communicate with a stubborn man? ›
- Try to calm yourself.
- Choose the right time to express yourself.
- Don't withhold love.
- Compliment them.
- Be empathetic toward your partner.
- Always be willing to compromise.
- Listen to your partner.
- Never suggest to your partner that they're wrong.
- Be the way you are.
- Listen to him.
- Tell him how much you value him.
- Try understanding the reason.
- Turn Stubbornness into love.
- Compliment him.
- Cook for him.
- Help him with his Life.
Most of the time no contact with an emotionally unavailable man or woman works because it gives them the space and the time they need to think about themselves and their relationship. Often dumpers do come back because they have had the time to reflect on their actions and emotions.How do you accept a relationship is over? ›
How to accept your relationship is ending: 11 effective tips
- Allow yourself to grieve. ...
- Share your feelings. ...
- Stay productive. ...
- Write about it. ...
- Amp up the self-care. ...
- Make new routines.
Stubbornness is often a sign of insecurity and a way to hold on to a very fragile mental equilibrium. Truly strong people know how to compromise when necessary. Stubborn people are often fearful of change, which explains the rigidity that characterises much of their behaviour.Can stubbornness be overcome? ›
Stubbornness can have upsides, but you'll need strategies to work around the downsides. You can learn practical strategies to dial down your stubbornness when needed.
How do you make a stubborn man fall in love with you? ›
- Dress up confidently. Save. ...
- Make him smile. Who doesn't want to be around someone who makes them laugh? ...
- Take a stand for him. ...
- Smell great. ...
- Take an interest in his hobbies and interests. ...
- Carry your style. ...
- Try to be his friend. ...
- Be yourself.
- They don't like making plans. ...
- They call the shots. ...
- You do all the relationship work. ...
- They avoid the word 'relationship' ...
- You never seem to grow closer. ...
- They reflect your feelings instead of offering their own. ...
- They show up late or blow off plans.
An emotionally unavailable man often develops arrogance from a lack of self-esteem. In order to feel the power and control he lacks, he must show others that he is “better” than them. In his mind, they should serve him, not the other way around.What makes a man emotionally unavailable? ›
It means that the person has a difficult time relating to and understanding your emotions (as well as their own). They may not fully comprehend or know how to engage with and reciprocate love in a way that feels fulfilling; physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually.